


Best Thing I Never Had

by wintersoldier1989



Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Exes, F/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-01-22 21:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18535768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersoldier1989/pseuds/wintersoldier1989
Summary: You run into Sebastian at a charity event.





	1. Chapter 1

The benefit venue was full of people, yet there was one you kept scanning for, simultaneously hoping he would be there and praying he wouldn’t. 

When you’d received the invitation, initially you’d tossed it aside figuring it was a mistake. Maybe your name had been added to a mailing list after the last event you’d attended together. You’d been working at your computer late one night, a couple weeks later when one of your friends messaged you a link. The link took you a tabloid twitter feed showing him walking down the street with a beautiful woman. 

_Fuck this._ You thought. If he’d moved on so could you. So you grabbed the invitation from where it lay underneath your ever-growing pile of junk mail. It was in support of one of your favourite causes, so with new found resolve you decided that you weren’t going to let the possibility of him being there keep you away anymore. With nothing more than a quick email reply and a sizeable donation courtesy of your credit card, you were officially on the guest list.

You’d asked your best friend to go shopping with you, telling her that you needed a new dress for an event. When really you were thinking about the off chance of running into him; that you’d want to look your best. You’d made a day of it, grabbing brunch at your favourite spot with unlimited mimosas before hitting the fashion district. Your friend had picked out a sexy dark purple cocktail dress, almost black in colour. The plunging neckline and thigh high slit had made you feel sexy as soon as you’d put it on, it was revealing but still sophisticated with its floor length and the full sleeves. 

But this evening as you slipped it over your head, you were sure it had been the alcohol that had talked you into the purchase. You’d already cut off the tags, knowing you might be tempted to return the dress, spend the evening watching Netflix and ordering in takeout. The charity would still appreciate your donation even if you didn’t attend the dinner, but with another couple hundred dollars spent on the dress and coordinating shoes in your closet, you couldn’t justify staying home. 

So now here you were; distracting yourself with small talk with other supporters at your table. The free champagne was flowing so you figured you may as well indulge, because hey, it might help calm your nerves, give you a much more pleasurable buzz instead. You’d been enjoying the distraction of the easy-going conversation with the good looking guy seated next you, that was until he’d started to ramble on about his amazing honeymoon in Maui. The champagne must’ve stopped you from seeing the ring on his finger. Oh well, better luck next time. You gave him a sweet smile and excused yourself to the restroom. 

As you made your way through the ballroom, the familiar sound of his belly laugh alerted you to his presence. On instinct, your head whipped in the direction of the laughter, almost frantically searching for the source. He smiled so big while chatting with his table, his eyes sparkled with such joy that you were envious of the people who put it there. You couldn’t help the way you lingered on his tall frame. He was wearing a perfectly cut black suit that accentuated the hard lines of his body you knew lay underneath. It felt almost voyeuristic to watch him this way, but you couldn’t help yourself. Your heart squeezed at the happiness on his face, full of all the memories of the times you’d been the one to put it there.

You watched as the laughter faded from his features, his intense gaze finally noticing you. Even from across the the room, you could feel the magnetic pull to him, keeping you rooted and making your insides twist with a feeling you couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t until you saw him excuse himself from his company and start making his way over to you that you remembered how to make your feet move.

You made it to the lobby before you could hear the click of his dress shoes as he caught up to you. Damn his long stride and your strappy heels, it wasn’t a fair race.

Your body warmed and tingled as you felt him approach, the steps were cautious as if he was trying not to spook you. 

“I see you got my invitation,” his husky voice whispered from behind you. You were helpless against the shivers that ran down your spine, his breath grazing your neck.

Hesitation held you firmly in place, you took a moment to breathe, steeling yourself before turning around to face him. This was the first time you’d spoken since you’d left his apartment 3 months ago; you wouldn’t let yourself melt at his first words.

“I wasn’t going to come,” you retorted firm and businesslike, still facing away from him.

“I’m glad you did,” he replied sounding oddly sincere. The tight emotion in his voice caught you off guard and had you finally turning around to look at him. 

“Where’s your girlfriend?” You asked reactively, the question escaping your lips before you could stop it.

His brows arched in genuine surprise and you quickly amended, “Never mind, you don’t have to answer that.”

“My girlfriend?” he asked puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, forget about it,” you said, wishing the floor would open you up and swallow you whole. Seeing as the possibility was slim, you changed tactics and redirected to a safer topic of conversation. “It’s a good turn out, raised a lot of money tonight.”

He didn’t buy it, instead using a rough and authoritative voice to order. “Tell me.”

“It’s none of my business, I’m sorry I asked.” You attempted an apology hoping desperately he’d let you off the hook. You weren’t even sure yourself why you’d asked the question. If he was happy, you were happy for him. You didn’t want to be a jealous and bitter ex just because things between you hadn’t worked out. “I’ve got to get back to my table, don’t want to miss the speeches. But have a great time tonight; it was good to see you, Sebastian.“

There, you’d finally said the right thing, but as you moved to walk away from him towards the refuge of the restroom, his large hand reached out to grab your wrist. The heat from his grasp so hot, it was if it was burning you through the fabric of your dress. “Just wait a minute,” he pleaded. 

You knew better. If you stayed you could slip back down the rabbit hole. Already the short interaction between you had you in a bit of a haze; the sound of his voice, rough yet soothing; his cologne intoxicating.

“I can’t,” you protested trying to look away. His other hand cupped your chin, making you look him in the eye. The look of raw emotion on this face was breaking down your defences, rendering you malleable to his whim. So when he asked you once again, the truth spilled out.

“I want to be happy for you, and most of the time I am, but it still hurts,” you admitted. Your chest squeezed tight with every honest word. 

“Come here,” he said in a gentle voice. The one he used to use when he was taking care of you. But that wasn’t his place anymore, he’d given that up. A young couple chose that moment to walk through the lobby and witness the tears in your eyes threatening to spill. He pulled you into him, his warm body providing immediate comfort, his arms wrapping around you, his warm palms cradling the small of your back. You inhaled his scent, the memories rushing back in a flood causing you to choke out a small sob. 

“Shhhh,” he cooed in raspy whispers. Soft and gentle circles on your back were soothing and within a couple of moments you were ready to step back. Already overwhelmed by all the emotions, compounded with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat it was too much to handle. 

“Follow me,” he said tugging on your hand, leading you down a quiet hallway. Your feet moved of their own accord, the closeness of his body canceling out any rational thoughts you were having about this being a terrible idea.

A heavy door closed behind you as you stepped into what seemed to be an administrative office. You blinked, your eyes adjusting to the darkness, the only light came from a lamp post outside. 

“Now tell me what you’re talking about,” he said taking a seat on the edge of the desk. “What’s this about a girlfriend?” 

You were thankful for the space he’d put between you but weary of it at the same time. “A tall leggy brunette, you two were walking somewhere downtown. Starbucks in hand,” you said finally revealing the image that had been plaguing you.

He mulled over your explanation before he was able to place it. With a soft chuckle he replied, “That’s just someone my publicist set me up with, you know how it is with the press. She’s not a girlfriend, sweetheart.”

_Not yet._ Was the response that echoed in your mind. His words released a small rush of relief through you, but you quickly gave your head a shake at the thrill you’d felt at his term of endearment. “Don’t,” you warned trying to keep your distance.

“Don’t what?” he asked with a cocky, faux-innocent smirk. “Don’t tell you that you look fucking beautiful?”

He lifted himself from the edge of the desk and stalked towards you. “Don’t tell you that just being here with you has me so hard, I can barely stand it?”

You jaw dropped at his admission, your own body turning up the heat between your legs. “Sebastian,” you pleaded. The words coming out husky and pained, not at all how you’d intended. Were you begging him to continue or stop, because at this point you didn’t even know. 

“Yes, love?” He asked probing for a response, so close now that you could feel his breath on your cheek. You eyes fluttered closed and when your words didn’t come, he took the opportunity to press his lips to yours. The kiss was chaste but loaded with insecurities, his and yours. He didn’t press for more, despite the realization that you wanted him to. 

His palms slide down your arms until they reached your hands. He linked his fingers with your and brought them to his mouth. “I missed this,” he whispered. “I miss us.”

Your heart swelled. He was saying the words you’d longed to hear for months. “You invited me here?” You asked, you needed to know where all this was coming from.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come, but I’m so happy you did. You showed up looking even more gorgeous than I could remember.”

You rolled your eyes at the last part, finding it hard to believe.

“It’s taking every ounce of restraint in my body not to touch you,” he confided.

“You are touching me.” You couldn’t help but tease like old times, your fingers squeezing his.

“You know what I mean,” he appealed. 

Against your better judgement, because clearly it’d been MIA tonight, you answered, “Tell me.”

His eyes flared with heat as you echoed his words back at him. “Yeah?” he mused. “Or would you rather I _show_ you?”

A hum of pleasure escaped at his predatory gaze. He untangled his fingers and brought them to the revealing neckline of your dress.

“Look at you teasing me,” he said his eyes glued to your chest. Your nipples were already hard, eager for any kind of attention from the man oogling them. “They’re just waiting for my mouth.”

The pad of his finger slipped under the fabric, your skin pebbled at his touch. Your back arching naturally into him, allowing him easy access.

“Oh,” you whimpered as he grazed your nipple. He lifted his eyes to yours, you were sure the only expression on your face was one of complete and utter arousal.

“So responsive. You’re always ready for me,” he taunted. Both of your breasts were now in his palms, he squeezed and caressed them as if they were the most precious of possessions. Eager hands pushed the fabric out of the way, his head lowered to take a hard peak into his mouth. Soft nips and licks had you threading your fingers into his hair. Deep sucks made you tug, which had him moaning in return.

You urged him back up to you, desperate for another kiss. A real one. 

His broad hands gripped your hips and a knee urged your legs apart. “I bet your pussy is desperate for me, isn’t it?” The fabric of your dress dancing across your skin as he lifted it off your body. You stood before him in lacy panties and your strappy heels. You were pretty sure his eyes rolled back into his head.

You claimed his mouth, your tongue seeking entrance that he more than willingly gave you. 

“Fuck baby,” he panted as you finally broke for a much needed breath. “You’re my goddamn kryptonite.”

His belt was in your grasp, the metal clanking against his thigh as you unzipped his dress pants. Your hand slipped into his briefs, your fingers wrapping around his cock, already hard and eager to escape its confines. 

“Jesus,” he gripped. Your thumb made lazy circles over his tip, spreading the pre-cum already pooled there. 

“Looks like I’m not the only one of us that’s desperate,” you mewled before reaching up for another panty-melting kiss.

Speaking of panties, his hands eagerly tugged them down your thighs. The cool air on your heat had you shivering against his towering frame and a pleasurable sigh left your lips as he slid his fingers into your folds. 

“Such a needy girl,” he cooed as you rocked against him. You could feel the way your pussy was coating his hand.

“Fuck me, Seb,” you begged clinging to him, the need to feel him inside you was like no other. You’d give up all food, water and even air, if it meant he would fuck you, make you forget.

“I don’t have a condom,” he realized, panic evident in his voice that this might not happen.

“You weren’t planning on getting some tonight?” You taunted, the hunger in his eyes making you feel bold. “Or did you just forget the Boy Scouts’ motto _Be prepared_?”

“Haven’t had any since you,” he confessed.

You could barely register his words. “That was three months ago.”

“Believe me, sweetheart. I know,” he chuckled.

At his confession, your need for him multiplied. You turned away, propping your forearms on the desk and widening your stance, your panties at your knees only allowing you to open them so far. With a sultry glance over your shoulder you beckoned him. “Take me,” you ordered. “Make me forget about the past three months without you.”

Your pussy was on full display. Ready, wet and waiting for him. 

Sebastian strode towards you, pulling his cock out and giving it a pump in his fist. Then his short fingernails dug into the flesh at your hips, pulling you close. “How did I ever go without you?” He muttered under his breath, the question rhetorical in nature but tonight had you asking yourself the same thing.

With a quick jerk forward, his tip slipped in easily, your body primed and warm around him. You pushed back even more, engulfing his impressive length, his balls pressed against your ass. A strangled grunt his only reaction.

He started with slow deep strokes, savouring the way your body gripped him and the way he filled you so fully.

“Faster,” you urged. He began to rock in shallow jerks, quickly building you both up to an exhilarating high. Within seconds his body took over, he began to fuck you like it could be the last time. You chose not to dwell on that possibility and resigned yourself to enjoying the moment. 

“You don’t even know how many times I’ve had to stop myself from calling you,” he growled, his body punishing you with deep and possessive thrusts. “I didn’t know what to say if you actually picked up.”

All you could do to respond was whimper at the pleasure that coursed through your veins. Each rock of his hips making your resolve weaker. Clinging to every confession that fell from his lips as well as every wave of pleasure that rushed through you. His hands threaded themselves in your hair, pulling with that perfect amount of tension that had every nerve in your body bursting and your back arching up towards him. It was as if he was making up for three long months of silence and distance with this one fuck. He was buried so deep inside you knew you’d be sore for days, still feeling the way he’d stretched you and fucked you raw.

“Fuck,” you moaned breathily. You were feeling lightheaded at the lack of oxygen, your breath coming in eager pants to keep up with him, your tits bounced with the fevered pace. 

“So tight and wet for me,” he gasped. “No one fucks your pussy like I do, right baby?”

A tortured cry left your lungs, completely unable speak. Just the sound of skin meeting on every thrust. Your pussy clenched around him, your whole body going rigid with your climax. 

“That’s it. Come for me, love,” you relished in the rush of heat and tingles. Your body exhausted and sated, sagged forward on the desk. But his arms wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him as he continued to pump in and out very quickly. His breathing laboured echoed in your ear and you knew it was only a matter of moments before he’d fill you. 

He reached between your legs and rubbed tight and forceful circles on your clit, your body responded to his touch as it always did, another orgasm lingering close by.

Grunts of exertion and cries of pleasures were the soundtrack of the evening. You came for a second time, still lost to the high of your climax while his cock pulsed inside you. He finally came with a pained cry, his release filling you all the way to the brim. His face was buried in your neck, his heart pounding. 

You didn’t expect declarations of love or apology but the way he held you so tightly to him felt as if he was never planning to let you go. Warm kisses fluttered along your neck and his hands cupped your breasts, as if memorizing how they felt in his grasp.

So when he finally stepped back and pulled out, your heart sank at the loss. 

You tugged your panties back up your legs, seeing as it was the only barrier between his hot cum that filled you and the delicate fabric of your dress that Sebastian held in his hands. He helped you slip it over your head, your hair already well mussed from enthusiastic fingers. 

“Everyone in that ballroom is going to know we fucked,” he voiced with a laugh as you smoothed out your dress. Even with a touch up in the bathroom you were pretty sure the frantic fuck had left you looking a little less than presentable. 

“There’s no way I can just got sit in there and listen to heartfelt stories about sick kids with a half hard dick. Soon to be fully hard if I’m in the same room as you.”

You gave a forced chuckle, “Yeah that could be problematic. Well, thanks for whatever this was,” you headed for the door. You mind telling you to leave before you got hurt again but your heart begging you to stay.

“Sweetheart,” he started, the pet name a stark reminder of all the history between you. “Listen, I’ve been miserable without you. Letting you walk out of my apartment was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, I just didn’t know how to tell you that.”

A pained expression took over your features. “Sebastian-,” you started but the rest of the words lodged in your throat. 

“I know I’ve still got a lot of time to make up for. Three months of wrongs to right. I promise you, I’m going to do it.” His gaze was still filled with lust but behind it you saw a deep seated vulnerability.

Neither of you spoke, scared to disrupt whatever this was with more words. But reality wasn’t something you could avoid by staying quiet. You’d fucked and now there’d be repercussions; maybe it meant something or maybe it didn’t but you figured you deserved say your piece.

“I don’t know if I can do it again,” the words tumbled from your lips. If he was being honest, it was the least you could do in return.

“Don’t go,” his voice full of raw emotion, the pain in his eyes as you reached for the door handle surely mirrored your own.

“This doesn’t change the past,” you answered. 

He whispered your name, desperate to keep you from walking through the open door. “I love you.”

Rogue tears rolled down your cheeks, and with one last look at him you turned away.

“I love you too, Sebastian. But I don’t trust you.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the amazing feedback and support for this story! I never intended this to have more than one part but couldn't help myself once everyone expressed so much interest! Your comments mean so much to me and without them this chapter never would've happened.

It’d been a long day and you were ready to crawl into bed, zone out and watch Jimmy Fallon as was your usual weeknight routine. You settled into your nest of pillows, a sheet mask covering your face in attempt to calm the angry zit on your face. You’d already missed the monologue but at least you’d catch one of the interviews.

 

“Please give a warm welcome to tonight’s guest, Sebastian Stan!” Jimmy announced to the audience before he walked onto the stage. Your stomach dropped at the mere mention of his name. Admittedly you were a little stunned, you’d avoided watching any television for the entire last press tour for the latest Marvel film. All in the name of self-preservation. 

So the sight of his beautiful face on your television on a random Wednesday night, while you sat in your grandma pajamas seemed just a little unfair. Your finger hovered over the remote’s power button. It wasn’t as if turning off the tv would remove him from your thoughts; you had enough memories of him to last you a lifetime. The sound of his laugh pulled your attention back to the screen. 

“So Sebastian, you live in the city. Do you have a date idea for our audience member? A surefire hit with the ladies?” Jimmy asked, the camera panning to a guy in the audience.

A sheepish look crossed Sebastian’s face and he paused in that awkward way he did when he didn’t quite know what to say. Needless to say your curiosity was officially piqued.

“Well, seeing as I’m single, I’m not sure you should be asking me,” he laughed. “It’s been a while since I’ve been out on an actual date. But I do love to check out an old movie playing at one of those cheap theatres and then going for coffee at a little hole in the wall to talk about it after.”

“Very nice,” Jimmy replied nodding along. “Any favorite classic movies you’ve seen?”

A wide grin spread across Seb’s face, he seemed to be temporarily caught in a happy memory. “Yeah, one time I got caught in a rainstorm on the way to see _Gone with the Wind_. We were so soaked, basically drowned rats in the theatre and there I was trying to be all suave, in my wet pants that squelched over the dialogue.”

The audience roared at his anecdote, the image he painted inherently humorous. Your lips curved upwards, but that didn’t stop your heart from squeezing in your chest. That had been your date. You could remember running through the streets and ducking for cover. He’d held his leather jacket over your head, a sweet gesture but ineffective against the downpour. 

There was more to the story than he’d revealed to a soundstage full of strangers. He’d left out that he’d taken you back to his place afterwards, you’d both stripped down to your skivvies while your clothes tumbled in the dryer. He’d held you close, the warmth of his body and a soft cashmere blanket heating your skin as you cuddled on the couch.

The applause from the audience brought your attention back to the screen. Where Jimmy was shaking Seb’s hand and announcing the musical guest before the screen cut to a commercial about car insurance. 

Your face felt tight as your brow tried to furrow in disappointment, alerting you to the fact that you were still looking as hot as ever with your face mask. Hopping off the bed, you washed your face and brushed your teeth while the musical guest played on the tv. Keeping your hands otherwise occupied had not slowed down the whirling memories and thoughts now present in your mind. 

Your subconscious urged you to pick up your phone and send him a text.

“Nope. Not going there,” you voiced aloud, you knew very well that it was a bad idea. And since your last misstep at the charity benefit, involving your beautiful blue-eyed ex, you had made a vow that he was officially off-limits. 

You turned off the television and slipped under the covers, closing your tired eyes, desperate for sleep. But out of nowhere, as if your limbs had a mind of their own, your phone was in your hand. You scrolled to his name in your messaging app and clicked on the thread.

There was the last text you’d received from him, the date stamp was from the morning after the incident more than a month ago. A text that still remained unanswered because there was really nothing else to say. But before closing the app you read over the words one last time.

_I’m sorry._

Ignoring the pang of emotion in your chest, you placed your phone on your nightstand and double checked your alarm before drifting off to sleep.

***

_“Good morning baby,” he purred in your ear, his facial hair tickling the nape of your neck._

_“Mmmmm, it’s morning already?” You asked snuggling back into his warm embrace, a noticeable erection already pressed against you._

_You wiggled your hips purposefully and Sebastian nipped at your ear lobe at the blatant teasing. “Careful, love. If you keep it up I’m going to get ideas, naughty ones.” He pressed a hot kiss to your cheek, his scruff making your sensitive skin tingle in the most delightful way._

_“I could be persuaded,” you replied coyly. “You of all people know just how naughty I can be.”_

_He let out a tortured groan, clearly on the cusp of giving into his desires, so you pushed him over the edge. “Fuck me, Sebastian.”_

_Seconds after the words left your mouth, he was over you, his forearm resting next to your head while his other hand roamed your supple skin. “You’re so gorgeous,” he whispered. You felt a blush warm your cheeks as his attentive gaze swept over you._

_Instead of taking you quick and rough like his words had teased, he lowered himself down the length of your body, stopping to flutter soft butterfly kisses on your excited nipples. You exhaled a sharp breath as his tongue swirled over them sending tingle down your spine._

_Your chest heaved as he kissed you so passionately, it was almost as if Sebastian was emptying your lungs to fill his own. Your head dizzied with the blissful fog of arousal, sufficiently distracted that you yelped softly into his mouth as his fingers slid between your folds._

_“So wet for me, aren’t you?” He brought his well-coated fingers to your clit and rubbed in deliriously slow circles. He worked you over, bringing you closer to the edge. A thick finger slipped inside, an opening act to the grand finale you anticipated._

_He added another, his thumb rubbing in tandem. Your breath quickened, soft shallow pants that had his cock leaking on your thigh. He brought his hand up to your mouth, his slick fingers traced along your plump bottom lip, nudging it open. You obliged, taking them in and sucking them clean._

_“Fuck,” he grunted, his eyes unable to look away from the delightfully dirty sight. You moaned around the intrusion, there was something incredibly arousing about tasting yourself and it seemed as though Sebastian wholeheartedly agreed._

_When his fingers finally fell from your mouth, he lowered his hand between his legs and gave his aching cock a squeeze. Your eyes locked on the beautiful cock in front of you, so hard and ready. Grabbing a condom from the bedside table, he suited up. “Take me, baby.” You urged, and without hesitation he was seated between your spread thighs. His fingers felt small in comparison to the cock inside you. You were both still for a moment, the heat of your core almost too much for him. Sebastian rocked his hips, the movement gentle yet gloriously effective._

_His thrusts grew deeper, his cock slipping almost fully from your heat before filling you up again. It always felt so intimate when he fucked you this way, the sleepy sex so much more than the physical act. Sebastian’s slate-blue eyes lingered on you with such reverence and care, he made you feel like you were the only person in his world. It was a high you wished you could bottle._

_You could hear every inhale and exhale as he built himself up, chasing his release. He buried his face his your neck, his scruff grazing your collarbone. You weren’t far behind, your swollen pussy begging him to hurry. You couldn’t help the way your muscles squeezed around him, your body dizzy with the near pleasure of orgasm. The strangled moan of your name escaped him and with a few remaining valiant pumps of his hips, you both came. Your legs wrapped around him, heels digging into his ass, holding him deep inside trying desperately to keep him tethered to you as your own climax warmed over you._

_***_

The sounds of your alarm clock woke you from your dirty dream, the dampness between your thighs proving your subconscious had a strong hold over your body. The dream, a tormenting mix of desire and memory. You’d spent your fair share of lazy weekend mornings in his bed, where he’d take you every way he knew how. 

Waking alone in your bed left you feeling wistful for the closeness and intimacy you’d once had with him. None of the dates you’d had since could hold a candle to the spark you and Sebastian had, a spark that had been easily reignited to a burning flame as soon as you’d been alone with him. But you knew that playing with fire was dangerous, you’d been burned. The passionate sex, the most amazing sex, wasn’t a replacement for the trust he’d lost. 

Fuck him for still being able to work you up like this, leaving you feeling needy and desperate. You closed your eyes trying to think of anything other than his blue eyes and teasing smile as you cupped your heat. Your fingers moving speedily, circling your bundle of nerves and slipping between your folds while your other hand palmed your breast. Your hips rutted against your palm, your orgasm coming quickly thanks to the sleepy foreplay of your dream. 

Your alarm blared again, reminding you that there was no time left for snoozing or in your case, orgasming.

***

“At least you got off,” your bestie said trying to make your feel better. 

You’d called her as soon as you’d gotten to the office, needing to unload all of your feelings. You weren’t sure if it was watching him recall one of your dates with such fondness or the smutty dream the followed that had you in such a tizzy, but talking it out usually helped you work out at least some of the anxiety.

“And it must’ve feIt at least a little bit good to know that he still thinks about when you two were together,” she added.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean I’m not holding what happened against him,” _That was mostly true, “_ and I wish him all the best. It’s just hard not miss how good things were.” _That was totally true._

“I know, sweetie. I know what’ll cheer you up, we’ll go out for drinks tonight and find you someone to take home.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing full well that your best friend knew you well enough to already know there’s no way that would happen. “Drinks sound perfect.” You needed to unwind, clearly this morning’s orgasm hadn’t helped in the slightest, so mojitos and margaritas would have to do it.

“There’s a new place in Brooklyn some people at work are talking about. I’ll text you the address we’ll meet around 8?”

“Perfect,” you replied already looking forward to a Friday night out.

***

Your Uber dropped you off just outside the bar, from the outside it looked like a hipster joint, your wallet was already crying at what you were sure to be overpriced cocktails. You made your way inside the bar looking for your friend; you quickly found her at a hightop table with a group of coworkers.

“So what’s good here” you asked, scoping out the drinks already on the table. “It’s been a long day and I’m ready to relax.”

“They’ve got a decent selection of craft beers,” a cute guy from across the table answered. His dark eyes and hair were well matched with a toothy smile, maybe your bestie was right after all.

“I’m more of a mixed drink girl,” you replied. “But thanks for the suggestion.”

“No problem,” he grinned back at you, his eyes warm with interest. “I was just about to head up the bar for another one, what can I get you?”

“Uh, a mojito?” You answered, opening your clutch to retrieve a twenty. He brushed off the offer, instead introducing himself. “I’m Caleb, by the way.” You exchanged pleasantries, giving him your name before he hurried off the bar clearly eager to get back to the table to talk with you.

Your bestie sat beside you with a shit-eating grin on there face. “Don’t,” you warned, knowing full well she was already designing yours and Caleb’s wedding monogram. “He’s cute, but I’m just here for drinks.”

She nodded a less than convincingly before taking a sip of her martini. 

Caleb handed you your drink and sat on the empty stool next to you. “This is a nice place,“ you commented.

“Yeah it is,” he replied, his gaze still on you. 

“So Caleb, you’re in finance?” you asked, seeing as he worked at an investment firm with your best friend. 

“Yep, I’m a senior associate, just working my way up the food chain,” he smiled. “It’s really not that interesting. I’d rather hear about you.”

Your cheeks flushed at his words, he was sweet and attentive, two things that would make any girl swoon. It was nice to see that Caleb wasn’t one of the typical egotistical Wall Street jerks. 

“Me? I’m an editor for a publishing company. Always buried in manuscripts,” you chuckled.

“Cool,” Caleb smiled, genuinely interested. “Read anything good lately?”

 

You launched into telling him about a memoir you’d just finished. He watched you with rapt attention even though you were pretty sure he was just being kind. Your bestie had conveniently left the table and made her way over to the pool table where she was sure to win a few drinks off some unsuspecting guys.

You sipped the last of your drink, already feeling a nice buzz from the rum. “Want another?” Your newfound date asked, already getting up from the table.

“No, no. It’s my turn,” you asserted. Grabbing your clutch off the table. “Another beer?” You confirmed. He nodded, you hopped off your stool and navigated your way through the crowded bar. 

You were jockeying for a position, trying to get the bartender’s attention when a familiar voice next to you took you by surprise.

“She’ll take a mojito,” he said gesturing to you. “Anything else?” His blue eyes said finally meeting yours. 

“An IPA?” You squeaked. The bartender started grabbing your drinks and he handed over a $50 dollar bill. 

His brow rose in curiosity, “You don’t drink beer.”

Your mouth gaped, unable to make conversation about your beverage order. _What the hell was he doing here?_

“Where are you sitting?” he asked, drinks in hand. Your feet apparently leading you back to the high top table where Caleb and the others sat, you were pretty sure you’d left your brain back at the bar. 

Sebastian placed the drinks on the table, “Here are your drinks.” He looked between you and Caleb, a flash of understanding in his eyes. 

“If I can offer you one piece of advice,” he said looking directly at Caleb who appeared to be a little starstruck. “Take care of this one, she’s really special. You guys have a great night.”

And before you could think of something even semi-intelligent to say in response, like “ _You, too._ ” he was gone, disappearing into the crowd. 

“Was that who I think it was?” Caleb asked, clearly still processing the interaction. 

“Uh yep,” you muttered. 

His eyes went wide, “Cool, are you two like friends or ...?” He trailed off clearly hoping you’d fill in the blank. 

You were sure the red tinge of your burning skin answered the question for you. Loving that the topic of exes, and this one in particular was coming up just when you were beginning to enjoy yourself.

“Oh, okay,” Caleb said taking a big swig of his beer. Your stomach coiled so tight that you couldn’t bear the thought of downing another mojito. Between the interview, dirty dream and now actually running into him, your mind was spinning.

“Thanks for a nice evening, Caleb. But I should get going. It was a pleasure to meet you.” You extended your hand and he took it in his, all while feeling a little guilty for needing to escape.

“Same to you,” he replied, a true gentleman. “Maybe I’ll catch you around sometime.”

You gave him a sympathetic smile, it was the least you could do. But with Sebastian’s untimely appearance, it had become clear to you that this wasn’t what you wanted. Making your way over to your bestie, you excused yourself, thanking her for the invitation and that you’d call her tomorrow. But your eyes were busy searching the crowd, watching carefully for a familiar face. 

Her appraising gaze told you that she didn’t quite buy what you were selling but that she was going to let you off the look, at least for tonight. 

In the back of the Uber on the way home. You opened and closed the messages app about 30 times. A nagging feeling gnawed at your belly, telling you to reach out to him. Tonight had been a sign, three times in one day was no fluke.

You typed and deleted at least 6 different messages before finally settling on the simplest one.

_**You:** Thank you for the drinks. _

You watched intently, waiting for the three dots to appear. You were so focused that you didn’t notice that the car had stopped outside your building. After giving the driver his 5 star rating, you trudged up the stairs. 

_Take care of this one, she’s really special,_ he’d said. What did he mean by that? Your mind whirled with all the possible connotations. But you kept coming back to how your heart had swelled at his words, that meant something. You couldn’t just ignore it. 

Washing off your makeup and crawling into bed, you reached for a manuscript, figuring you could at least get a little work seeing as it was unlikely you’d be able to sleep anytime soon. 

A half hour later your phone lit up with a new message. And right there on your lock screen was the name you wanted to see. 

_**Seb:** No problem at all, it was great seeing you. I hope you and your date had a good time._

The message was polite but didn’t give you any hints.

_**You:** Yeah it was nice to see you too. Sorry for the deer in the headlights look, you caught me off-guard._

_**Seb:** You looked beautiful as always. I just hope Mr. IPA realizes you’re even more gorgeous on the inside._

Your breath caught in your chest, the compliment almost too much. It suddenly felt very important to you that he knew there was absolutely nothing between you and Caleb.

_**You:** Always a sweet talker, aren’t you? Mr. IPA is barely an acquaintance, plus you know as well as I do that I could never go for someone who works on Wall Street. It’s enough to have a best friend who looks at numbers all day._

_**Seb:** No sweet talking here,I prefer to think of it as being honest. It’s something I’ve been working on._

His confession hit home, the lingering tinge residual of bitterness igniting at his words.

_**Seb:** You deserve all the happiness in the world, with whoever gives it to you._

And just like that, the trace of bitterness was gone, replaced with butterflies. _Jesus Christ._ Were you really going to do this? And with the quick tap of your fingers the decision was made.

_**You:** Can we meet up to talk?_

_**Seb:** Of course, sweetheart. You name the time and place and I’ll be there._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *endgame spoiler* proceed at your own risk

_“I’ll have to let my boss know that I’m finally going to be cashing in all those vacation days. Do you think I should place on Airbnb while we’re gone?” you asked more to yourself than to your boyfriend standing on the other side of the island in his contemporary kitchen. “My girlfriends are going to have a field day helping me freshen up my wardrobe with some Mediterranean-worthy looks.”_

_You been rambling on for the past couple minutes making a mental to-do list. There were so many things to consider if you were going to be spending a significant amount of time abroad. You finally looked up at Sebastian expecting to see his excited smile but instead all you saw were worried eyes._

_“Baby?” You asked. “What’s wrong?”_

_A tense silence lingered, his normally bright blue eyes, shrouded with a cloud of something you couldn’t quite place._

_“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you come,” he said his gaze drifting to the floor._

_“Oh,” you let out a deflated gasp racking your brain to recall the exact words he’d used last night while you lay together in his bed._ _You’d been so excited that he’d booked the movie, you’d jumped straight to the celebratory sex._

_But now you realized, he hadn’t invited you, you’d just assumed you could tag along. You struggled with what to say now that you were feeling like a total dumbass._

_“Okay, so how long will you be in Greece?” You asked as you made your way over to him, curious how long you’d be apart._

_“Two, maybe three months,” he answered, his eyes still not meeting yours._

_You were used to him being away for stretches at a time, but over the year you’d been together it had never been that long. You’d definitely miss him. You were trying to reconcile your disappointment without letting him see just how bummed you were. It was what he said next that completely pulled the rug out from under you._

_“Actually, I think we should take a break.”_

_You swallowed the boulder-sized lump in your throat, taken completely aback by his declaration._

_“What?” You choked. It was possible to choke on air, right?_

_“It’s just that I’ve got a lot going on right now and I think while I’m away we should take some time.” The voice you heard coming from his mouth wasn’t his, this voice was detached, almost robotic._

_“Take some time.” You repeated, the words sounding even stranger the second time. “Some time for what?” You prodded taking a step back from him. You wanted to hear him say the words, you weren’t going to go and try filling in any more blanks on your own._

_“Some time to figure things out,” he sighed. He ran his hands through his hair again, the strands well mussed from anxious fingers._

_“Figure things out,” you repeated once again, still trying to process exactly what he was saying._

_“Yeah,” he said, a hard exhale following his confirmation._

_“I thought we had things figured out. I thought we were in a committed relationship, where we talked about our feelings and plans for the future, not just drop fucking bombs on each other.” You couldn’t help it, your voice was growing heated, full of emotion from the confusion and bitterness running through your veins._

_“Listen, sweetheart,” he said trying to calm you, his words having the opposite effect._

_“Don’t sweetheart me, Sebastian,” you warned. Waves of irritation rolling off of you. “So you’re saying that last night when you told me you got the movie, while you were fucking me, you knew you were going to break up with me._

_“Take a break, not break up,” he clarified as if it made a difference._

_“Semantics,” you shot back. “I fucking love you Sebastian, you’re it for me.”_

_“I don’t want to hurt you,” he insisted, his voice now strangled with emotion. Your words clearly having an effect on him._

_“Well, funny how that worked out, huh Seb?” Tears welled in your eyes the reality of this conversation finally hitting you._

_“Come here,” he said, reaching out for you. His long fingers gripped your hip and out of habit you let him tug you close. He pulled you to his chest, your tears wetting his t-shirt._

_When his hand started to rub soothing circles on your back, your head reared back; it felt wrong to seek comfort in his arms. Suddenly, it was you who desperately needed space._

_You stepped back, rubbed your sleeve over your red and blotchy eyes, stomping over to the foyer and grabbing your coat and purse._

_“Where are you going?” He asked as he followed you._

_You looked up to finally see the emotion in his expression._

_“Honestly, I don’t know Sebastian. Right now? Anywhere but here._ ”

***

Sebastian rose from his chair when he saw you walk through the door of the coffee shop. You’d chosen a small local place that made a mean mocha. He looked great, as always, wearing his usual all black ensemble, leather jacket, plain tee and skinny jeans that hugged his legs. You’d always admired how he was able to make such a simple outfit look so stylish. 

“Hi there, beautiful,” he welcomed you. He reached out his right arm and gave you a quick side hug, giving you a whiff of his signature cologne as your face neared his chest. It wasn’t exactly an unreasonable gesture but the proximity was likely to cloud your already questionable judgement.

You slipped into the booth across from him, a to-go cup already sitting in front of you.

“I ordered you a mocha,” he explained. “But if you’d prefer something else I can grab it for you.”

Your gaze swept over his features, bright blue eyes that crinkled when he smiled and facial scruff just long enough that your fingertips longed to run through it. Sebastian was one of the most generous people you’d ever met, but you didn’t want him to feel obligated by any means.

“Mocha’s good, I’m a predictable girl.” You reassured lifting the cup to your lips and taking a sip. He was staring at you. Not in a creepy way, but like he didn’t know what to say. You had been the one to invite him here after all, so social construct said that you should be the one to break the slightly awkward silence.

It seemed less than polite to drink the coffee he’d bought you and then suddenly demand he explain why he dropped you all those months ago. Because that’s why you were here, right? For closure. _Sure._

His eyes met yours and you gave him a small smile, pretty sure you currently resembled Chandler from _Friends._

Oh my god, how could this be so awkward, it wasn’t like you hadn’t had this man’s cock in your mouth before, and now you couldn’t even come up with small talk? Your cheeks flushed at the thought of being between his knees, the blissful expression that crossed his features when he came.

“So what have you-,” he started.

While at the same time you said, “So the movie’s doing gangbusters.”

He chuckled. “I know, it’s crazy. I’d like to be able to take some credit, but I don’t think people were particularly rushing to see my 3 minutes of screen time.”

“I did,” you admitted, your already pink cheeks turning into a full-fledged blush.

He gave you a genuine smile, his eyes full of happiness. “I have to say I’m surprised. After the way we left things, and our run-in at the benefit, I wasn’t sure you’d ever be able to look at me again.”

“Well, I needed to make sure Bucky undusted; I’m invested. And let’s just say I left the theatre knowing how he felt.” 

The smile slipped from his face at your words. “Care to elaborate on that?”

“I just mean how in the end Steve just up and left him, everything they had to pursue more important things, it hit home for me,” you explained.

His brow furrowed at your explanation and you could see that he was thinking hard about what to say in response. You hadn’t meant to come out of the gate guns blazing but you’d had a lot of time to sit with your feelings of abandonment, so it wasn’t that surprising that it just came pouring out. 

“I guess I should start by offering a formal apology because I know I fucked up, sweetheart, but it was never my intention to hurt you.”

“I appreciate that,” you answered, your voice steady. “And while I’d like to say the past is the past, I’ve been having a hard time keeping it there. Seeing you at the benefit and then again at the bar brought back all those unresolved feelings. Especially when I’m not even quite sure what happened between us.”

His forearms rested on the table, and his hands wringing nervously as if they itched to latch on to yours. You could tell that he was struggling; whether or not that was because he didn’t want to tell you the truth or because he knew it would hurt you, remained to be seen. 

He swallowed seeming to steel himself for the words he was about to say.

“You were becoming an invaluable part of my life. You know what I thought when they offered me the role? I thought about how long we’d be apart with an ocean between us and I was ready to turn it down. I’ve spent so long channeling all of my time and energy into my career. I don’t know anything else, just the thought of it scared me and I panicked.”

Your eyes locked on his, the vulnerability and raw emotions in his expression almost too much.

“In short, I fucked up. I got scared and instead of dealing with it, I pushed you away. And there hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t regretted it,” he confessed. A broad hand rubbed over his face, the discomfort of the topic clearly taking its toll.

You’d longed to hear the reason, any explanation for his actions that day. Now that you had them you couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him, despite all tears he’d caused you.

“Sebastian,” you croaked, your voice catching with emotion.

“I know, it was so stupid. You were the best thing that ever happened to me,” he continued berating himself.

“Sebastian,” you tried again, he looked back up. “It’s okay. Take a breath.”

He forced out a heavy exhale and sagged in his chair. 

“And while I may not have exactly moved on, I know it’s only fair to respect that you might have.” His tone resigned. “You deserved honesty and I was such a fucking chickenshit I couldn’t even give you that.”

“Well, I appreciate your honesty now,” you voiced, reaching for his hands.

A strained smile crossed his features, his eyes still red and glassy as his warm palms enveloped yours. Your heartbeat quickened like it always did when he touched you. 

“I can’t say that I didn’t cry my fair share of tears about it. Also ate my weight in ice cream,” you gave a little laugh. “But I wish you would’ve just talked to me, I think we could’ve worked something out.”

He squeezed your hands, “I know that now. Believe me, I wish every damn day that I had handled it differently. And instead of coming clean with you at the benefit I dragged you into an office and had my way with you. Fuck, I’m a real piece of work.” He tugged his hands from yours, no longer feeling like he had the right to touch you.

“I forgive you, Sebastian.”

You came to the realization that it didn’t really matter now what had happened, what mattered was that you both move on and if that absolved him of some guilt, even better. You reached your hand across the table and cupped his chin, your thumb swiping over his cheek, the prickle of his facial hair comforting.

His eyes fluttered closed and his hand covered yours. The gesture was meant to give him comfort, but even with the table between you it felt intimate. You were fooling yourself to even think that you didn’t still love him. You’d told him as much just before you’d left him at the benefit but here in the quiet café, now aware of his motivations, fear and panic, you let yourself think of what it might look like to work through this.

Was it something you wanted? 

Did he?

“Seb?” you asked.

“Yeah?” he replied, his voice weary as if you held all his hope in your hands and had the ability to break it at any moment. 

“Where do we go from here?”

“Where do you want us to go?”

You took a moment to consider his question. His revelation had clarified a lot for you today and got you thinking about when you were last truly happy.

It was with him. The beautifully flawed man sitting across from you.

“Wanna go catch a movie?” you proposed.

His signature smile beamed at your offer and his eyes crinkled in that way he did when he too was truly happy. 

“Absolutely, sweetheart.”


	4. Chapter 4

BEST THING I NEVER HAD - CHAPTER 4

As luck would have it, there was a showing of _Rear Window_ that afternoon. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you jump in your seat at all the spooky parts,” Sebastian teased, your favourite dorky smile plastered on his face.

“In my defence, Hitchcock movies are inherently creepy,” you replied. “It’s what he was going for, so in that regard I’m an excellent audience.”

“Touché,” he laughed, his arm swung with in time with his chuckle causing the back of his hand to briefly brush yours.

The accidental touch sent a tingle through you. Sitting next to him in the very same theatre had felt comfortable and right. Sure it wasn’t exactly the same as before; you hadn’t laid your head on his shoulder and his hand wasn’t on your knee, but it was still nice. 

Walking side by side down the street now with easy laughter drifting between you, you decided to take a chance. You softly slipped your hand into his, fingers interlacing. His head swung right, his surprised eyes meeting yours. You squeezed in reassurance and saw the anxiety ease from his expression. 

Neither of you said a word, maybe it was so the moment wouldn’t be ruined or maybe it was just so you could both focus all your attention on the meaningful touch.

“I had a really great time today,” he said when you finally reached your apartment building. “Thank you for hearing me out and showing so much grace to actually forgive me. God knows it’s more than I deserve.”

You knew he’d continue to self-deprecate if you let him go on, so instead you untangled your fingers from his and brought them up to cup his face. Your thumbs brushing his adorable eye crinkles, you had always loved how they showed every little bit of emotion he was feeling. 

“It was really nice,” you agreed. “I enjoy spending time with you.” 

With his unwavering gaze on you, it was like he was staring right into your soul.

“Can I kiss you?” Sebastian whispered, his voice so low and soft that the bustle of the New York street almost swallowed up the sound of his words. 

You appreciated him asking for permission. He clearly didn’t want to risk upsetting the newfound delicate balance between you. 

But unbeknownst to him, back at the coffee shop you had decided that from here on out, you were going to do what made you happy. Just the thought of his lips on yours was already making your insides buzz with anticipation.

“Never mind, it’s okay,” he said backtracking, misconstruing your silence as a brush off.

Before Sebastian could take a step back, you crashed your lips to his, effectively shutting him up. His mouth opened in a gasp, of which you took full advantage by sneaking a taste of his tongue. Your senses were soon consumed by him. The crisp smell of his wood sage cologne, the soft and needy groans emanating from his chest. His fingers rested tentatively on your hips but you went ahead and made the decision for him, closing the last remaining distance between your bodies. 

The closeness was like a drug, there was something about how your bodies moved together, so in sync. A salacious sweep of his tongue along your bottom lip before it sought entrance in your mouth had you melting against him, your hands fisting his jacket before slipping to touch his warm chest underneath. Now that you’d allowed yourself a taste, you desperately wanted more.

Sebastian’s hands also began to travel, sliding to the swell of your ass, his eager palms squeezing. If the low, sultry moans hadn’t been enough to tell you he was enjoying himself, the feeling of his growing bulge was a reassuring confirmation. You two were quite the sight, surely giving all your neighbours a show. It was no surprise that a seemingly innocent kiss had turned so hot so quick. Sebastian had always been able to turn a small spark into a full-fledged flame. 

Your back was soon pressed up against the brick of the entryway, Sebastian a wall of warmth that completely surrounded you. He began to pepper licks and kisses down your neck, your hands mussing his hair as your fingers threaded possessively through the strands. 

“Fuck, babe.” He growled against your collarbone before sucking the delicate skin; the sound of the lewd whimper that left your body borderline pornographic. 

At the sudden sound of a loud catcall, Sebastian’s upper body turned to face the street. He shot the culprit a murderous glare and flipped him the bird. “Fuck off, man!”

You were almost thankful for the interruption for giving you a minute to catch your breath. Your body, however, protested against any situation where his hands weren’t all over you. 

When Sebastian turned back to face you, he took a small step back. You could see in his eyes that he was also assessing the unlikely situation you’d both suddenly found yourselves in. 

“I promise this isn’t what I had in mind when I accepted your invitation,” he chuckled despite the vulnerability in his words as his fingers ran nervously through his tousled hair.

“Me either,” you concurred, breath ragged. “But I can’t say I minded or that I’m at all surprised.”

“You’re so fucking irresistible,” he said almost under his breath.

“It’s not the worst compliment I’ve ever received,” you replied with a smirk.

Sebastian smiled appreciating your attempt to keep the mood light. “I just don’t want to fuck this up again.”

You ran your hands soothingly along his biceps, “You won’t. I have it on good authority that someone thinks you’re pretty irresistible too.”

***

“YOU WHAT?” Your best friend screeched through the phone as you recounted the day’s events.

“Don’t make me say it again, just thinking about the possibility of my neighbours having seen us is embarrassing enough.” you begged her, yet the mere mention of his body flush against yours had it heating all over again.

“To be honest I’m fucking shocked,” she exclaimed. “This explains why Caleb looked so awkward when I asked him about you. I mean I knew you weren’t really over him, but I never saw this coming after what happened at the benefit.

“Yeah I still feel bad about Caleb, he was a nice guy,” you lamented. 

“So you’ve forgiven him for everything and you guys are clearly never going to be just friends; does this mean you two are back together?” she prodded.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, glad she wasn’t here to analyze you in person. Although you knew that wouldn’t stop the inevitable interrogation. 

“What do you mean you don’t know? What did he say before he left? What did _you_ say?” Her questions coming at you like rapid-fire.

_And there it was._

“He wished me goodnight and said he hoped we could meet up again soon.” You explained plainly, knowing that the situation was complicated but you weren’t going to spend any time second guessing your decisions.

“Meet up so he could maul you in the street? Or take you on a date?”

“It was me who kissed him, let’s not paint him as the bad guy here,” you felt the need to clarify, you didn’t need her giving him a hard time for a situation you had instigated.

“That might be so, but you’re my best friend and he’s the guy who needlessly broke your heart. You might be ready to give him a free pass, but I’m not.”

You had to appreciate her fierce loyalty, in fact you had expected it.

“We’re figuring things out,” you assured her. “And if there happens to be more kissing involved, I’m okay with that.” A beat passed before you added, “Care to explain why we’re always examining my love life and not yours?”

“That would be because I’m rocking the single life, all the fun and none of the strings. Whereas you haven’t been yourself since you guys broke up. Believe me, I want you to be happy but just make sure he’s really changed and don’t be hypnotized by the one-eyed snake,” your best friend cautioned.

“Oh my god! Shut up! You did not just call his dick that,” you screeched, your face now completely indistinguishable from a tomato. 

“I did, now heed my warning.”

“I will, I will,” you appeased just to make her stop. “I gotta go though, I’m not sure I can handle whatever else is going to come out of your mouth.”

“Alright, I’ll let you go but only because my brain is literally spinning from this little revelation of yours. I expect a detailed report if there are any further developments,” she implored.

“Of course, I’m going to need someone to make sure I don’t completely lose my mind.”

You said your goodbyes, promising to keep her in the loop. You’d meant what you said about not completely losing your mind, but you hadn’t said anything about your heart. 

***

Your phone buzzed on your desk, a welcome distraction from the page you’d already read five times but hadn’t absorbed at all. Understandably, your mind was otherwise occupied, thinking about a particular set of intense blue eyes and smile that made you weak at the knees.

_**Seb:** What are you up to?_

Speak of the devil. 

_**You:** Just finishing up some work. Why? What’s up?_

_**Seb:** Just wanna know if you’re hungry._

_**You:** I could eat, I’ve got some leftovers in the fridge just calling my name._

_**Seb:** Leftovers? Sounds lame._

_**You:** You have a better idea?_

_**Seb:** I’d love to take you out, if you’d be so inclined to join me._

_**You:** Free food is hard to turn down._

_**Seb:** I wouldn’t say it’s free per se, but your company is payment enough._

You smiled wide at his words, he was courting you and it was beyond cute. 

_**You:** I don’t know… you drive a hard bargain Stan. _

You couldn’t but help teasing him just a little.

_**You:** Just kidding, I’m in. ;)_

_**Seb:** What a relief, swing by your place and pick you up in 30?_

_**You:** Deal._

You bolted up from your desk, nearly sending your mug of lukewarm coffee tumbling onto a manuscript. 

“Shit!” You shrieked, grabbing the mug at the last second before hurrying to the bathroom for the world’s fastest shave and shower. You were pretty certain you were about to qualify for the Olympics.

***

He knocked on your door 25 minutes later, obviously having used your passcode to get past the secure entrance. 

You’d opted for casual, wearing your favourite pair of skinny jeans that hugged your ass perfectly with a simple button-up floral blouse. Sebastian looked as good as always in a form-fitting sweater and his usual black jeans. You gave him a once over after opening the door, unable to help yourself. He was just so goddamn gorgeous. 

“Hi there, beautiful,” he said, his own gaze sweeping over you. 

“You’re early, you’re lucky I was ready,” you commented with a smirk as you slipped on your shoes. 

“I would’ve waited,” he informed. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Your heart clenched at the comment, but your bestie’s words lingered in the back of your mind. She was right, you had a responsibility to be smart about this. So instead of giving into your impulse to pull him to you and explore the skin beneath the light knit weave of his sweater, you busied your hands with the lock and gestured for him to go ahead. “Where to?”

“I thought maybe Deluca’s?” he suggested but still seeking your stamp of approval.

“They make the best bucatini marinara, how could I say no?” 

He nodded clearly relieved that you approved. You knew it wasn’t really about your preference of cuisine, rather the fact that he’d picked the same restaurant where you’d had your first date. 

You had to give it to him, he was trying. Deluca’s was the perfect choice, it was casual but cozy, just right for two people trying to reconnect.

***

He’d called ahead and reserved a hidden booth in the back, a lone tea light flickered in the dim room. You’d already savoured every bite of your pasta and were looking forward to dessert.

“Another bottle?” The waiter asked gesturing to your empty wine glasses. Sebastian looked to you, letting you make the call.

“Please,” you said. The waiter smiled and was off to fetch another.

“This reminds me of that time you polished off two bottles at that house party and I had to carry you home,” he recounted, his eyes bright at the memory.

“Oh my God, I forgot about that!” You covered your face, your skin flushing in embarassment. “I was so fucking nervous and I thought the wine would help,” you needlessly explained your defense. “It’s not every day I get invited to Robert Downey Jr.’s house; next time I’ll know better.”

“Next time, eh?” He teased. “Think he’s going to invite us back?”

You quickly realized your slip, “Damn, I think the wine has gone to my head again. I didn’t mean to sound presumptuous.”

The waiter returned, topping off your glass of Pinot Noir. 

“Drink up, sweetheart. I like the idea of us doing all kinds of things together. Be as presumptuous as you want." 

A shot of lust hit you, his words giving you all kinds of naughty ideas. You took another sip of your wine in hopes of concealing your even more pronounced flush. Sebastian’s intense gaze had you squirming in your chair.

He cocked an eyebrow, “What’re you thinking about over there?”

You crossed your legs, in sudden need of some friction. 

He took a sip from his own glass, his tongue peeking out slowly, sweeping across his bottom lip. 

"You're not the only one strolling down memory lane," you teased, feeling bold. "I was just thinking about what happened that night when we got back to the hotel."

Sebastian knew his effect on you, he watched the way your breath hitched and your pulse quickened. The heat between you grew palpable, all thoughts of cannoli and tiramisu were quickly replaced with a desire for another delicacy you'd rather taste.

"I think you meant in the car," he corrected. "I distinctly remember having to remind you to keep your hands to yourself in order to make sure we got back safely."

"Blame the wine; you know what it does to me." Your body already buzzing with the effects of the 1985 vintage you'd just polished off.

“And you know what you do to me,” he leaned in, arms folded on the linen tablecloth.

“Do I?” You asked flirtatiously, a loose filter just another side effect. 

“Mmmmhmmm,” he mused, obviously distracted. The way his eyes filled with heat, had you guessing he was busy reliving the steamy memory. “Fuck,” he groaned, the sound strained and full of frustration.

“You okay?” you asked curiously at the gruffness.

He hesitated before divulging, “I’m trying not to think with my dick, but you make it so hard, sweetheart.”

You chuckled at his unintentional pun and he gave you a puzzled look. 

“And what if I want you to think with your cock, Sebastian?” you asked a suggestive lull in your voice.

His startled expression had you chuckling again. 

“Don’t be so surprised, the sex always was pretty great. I’m definitely not opposed to the idea,” you added.

“You’re trouble,” he said, signalling for the waiter to bring the bill.

“What if I promise to keep my hands to myself on the ride back to your place?” you offered in compromise, finishing the last of your wine. 

“Then I’d say, that’s a shame.”

Sebastian opened his wallet and threw down a couple bills on the table, no longer interested in waiting.

“Let’s go, sweetheart. We’ve got somewhere else to be.”

The cab ride was torturous. Sebastian beside you, close enough to touch but you knew full well you wouldn’t be able to stop once you started. Apparently, he was of the same mind; you watched as he shifted antsily every couple minutes, his fingers tense as they gripped his knees. You couldn’t wait for them to be on you, caressing your breast or wrapped along your throat as he thrust into you. You had a plethora of creative sexual fantasies that starred the man sitting only inches from you. But tonight, it was all real. Your breath shallowed and your pulse quickened at the realization.

The driver finally pulled up the familiar street, but you noticed small changes that reminded you it had been a while since you’d been here. Sebastian opened the door and held out his hand to help you up. His eyes met yours with a knowing look, the need written all over your face.

***

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked leading you towards the kitchen.

“I think I’ve had enough wine,” you smirked. “Get me any more liquored up and I’m going to be passed out in your bed.”

You walked over to him and pressed soft kiss to his lips, still tasting the fragrant wine from dinner. Your hands began to roam over his chest, his gaze carefully tracking your every movement. “I can think of many other ways I’d rather pass the time.” 

His large palm covered your hand, stalling your exploration. “Just one thing,” he breathed. You tilted your head up to meet his eyes. There in the steel blue of his gaze, you saw vulnerability and a conscientious need to be open and honest. “Promise me that if we do this, you won’t run out on me again.”

You could feel his heart pounding under the weight of your palm. 

“This time we’re both here for the right reasons.”

At your declaration, his palms cupped your ass and hoisted you up. A sharp laugh escaped, the sudden shift in tone taking you by surprise. Your hands quickly latched onto the back of his head and your legs wrapping around his waist.

Sebastian nipped and bit along your bottom lip before finally giving you the hard and passionate kiss you craved. You moaned in both delight and relief, you’d been thinking about this moment non-stop since he’d last had his mouth on you. His kisses grew insistent and pleading, frantic waves rolled off of him. 

He staggered blindly down the hallway, otherwise occupied with your mouth. Eventually reaching the doorway to his bedroom, the door jamb digging between your shoulder blades. He began to assault your collarbone with his tongue, licking down to the collar of your blouse, just above the swell of your breast. Desire pooled in your core and your nipples peaked in anticipation. 

You unwrapped your legs and slid down to the floor needing to feel his skin against yours, both of you still wearing too many clothes. Eager hands tugged up on the hem of his sweater, a delicious peek of his treasure trail coming into view. With his shirt now on the floor, you were helpless to look anywhere but the expanse of beautiful skin before you. Your palms travelled along the planes of his sculpted muscles, his daily training regimen showing its results. His hand caught your wrist as it headed towards the button of his jeans. “My turn.”

Heat flared in his eyes; a perfect mix of lust and what you sensed was love. 

Sebastian’s careful fingers undid the delicate buttons of your blouse. He delicately slid the straps of your bra down your arms before an insistent hand on your hips had you turning around. Your cheek was now pressed against the door jamb and your pulse hammering as your lace bra slid to the floor. 

You loved when he manhandled you, using you for his own pleasure but always returning it tenfold. Sebastian pulled you against him, your chest heaved and your nipples pebbled in the cool air, pushing their way forward into the warmth of his palm. He plucked at the tight bud, eliciting a throaty moan at the spike of pleasure that washed through you. 

“Easy baby,” he whispered, your ass rubbing firmly against the bulge in his pants. You let out a whimper of distress, letting him know you were disappointed wasn’t going along with your plan. 

His other hand slid beneath your waistband, your panties already soaked with arousal. All the flirtatious glances and teasing words having done a number on you. He slid a tentative finger through your slick folds, just barely grazing your clit. You were caught in the middle of desperately wanting him to hurry and take you while also relishing in each of his tortuous teases. 

“Mmmm,” you moaned, bowing into his touch. He began working you over; a contrast of quick and lazy yet indulgent circles that had you begging to come. 

“I’m close,” you breathed, as if your heavy pants weren’t indication enough. 

“Tell me what you want me to do to you, after you’ve come and you’re still desperate for me.” His fingers pumping as deep as the confines of your pants would allow. It made no difference, you were high on him; not even really needing physical touch to get off, but enjoying it nonetheless. 

“I want you to _fuck_ me,” you choked in a moan. He continued to work his magic, knowing exactly what your body wanted and purposefully holding back from giving it to you. 

“How? Do you want it fast and rough, baby? Or do you want me to spend all night riling you up before I finally let us both come?”

Your eyes were pinched closed, envisioning both options while he fingered you. How could he expect you to choose? Talk about Sophie’s Choice.

“Both,” you managed to squeak out, between Sebastian’s fingers filling you and his mouth sucking at the sensitive spot beneath your ear it was a wonder you could say anything at all. 

“Mmmmm, greedy girl, aren’t you?” He teased. “Lucky for you, I aim to please.”

Your body was throbbing with need, the rush of orgasm was quick but strong, a perfect appetizer before the main course you’d just chosen. Sebastian never let up, his hands petting and rubbing your sensitive flesh until you trembled against him, sated.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he rasped. You watched as he brought his hand from your core to his mouth, licking your sweetness from his fingers.

“As good as you remember?” you asked, already dripping some more at the sight.

“Sweetheart, my memory can’t hold a candle to the real thing. And if I have it my way, it won’t have to.” He sealed his words, pulling you in for another kiss. 

As much as you were more than ready for him to fuck you, the obscenely thick bulge in his boxer briefs beckoned you. Your mouth watered and pussy tingled at the thought of his taste and the moans you knew he’d make as you sucked him deep. 

Ridding him of his pants, you briefly brushing the silky skin of his cock as you lowered to the floor. Sebastian inhaled a sharp breath, his eyes already heavy at the fleeting contact.

“Fuck, love,” he groaned, reaching down to stroke himself.

‘Ah, ah, for the foreseeable future, that’s all mine,” you admonished, giving a playful smile. 

“Is it now? Seems someone’s feeling awfully bossy,” he commented with a cock of his brow, but you could tell by the heady expression on his face that he was going to willingly oblige.

The hardwood was rough against your knees but nothing was going to stop you from the task at hand. You danced your fingers up his legs, watching him shiver and his cock bob as you grazed his inner thigh. “And I think someone likes it,” you smirked back before finally wrapping your hand along his erection.

Sebastian’s cock was hard and beautiful, arousal already drooling from his tip worked up from an entire evening of foreplay. You were busy appreciating the exquisite length in your grasp when he interrupted the reunion. 

”If you’re not planning on using your mouth, tell me so I can take matters into my own hands.”

Just the thought sent a zing a pleasure through you, watching him jerk himself would make for a deliciously dirty sight. You wanted him between your lips, to feel him writhe and hear his rough moans, as he made a literal and metaphorical mess of you both. 

Your tongue peeked out, taking a long, luscious taste of his flesh. Tracing every ridge; lapping at his swollen tip. You looked up to see his eyes at half mast, lashes fluttering, already under your spell. Sebastian let out an unbelievably gorgeous groan when you finally took him deep. You let him completely own your mouth. His hips jerked, the urge to fuck so primal and raw. Your eyes watered, but you couldn’t look away, not daring to miss a second of him coming undone, so close to release. You knew from the heave of his chest and the clench of his jaw that it wouldn’t be long until you were devouring every drop of him. He quickened his pace, his fingers threaded tightly in your hair, keeping you tethered to him. 

“I’m gonna come,” he said in warning. But instead of backing away and letting him cover you; that would have to wait until later, you hollowed your cheeks and gave him one last unrelenting pull.

Sebastian spilled down your throat as he called out your name. The sound so husky and possessive, it thrilled you. His breath was heavy and his eyes still closed. You smiled at just how right he had been, the taste of him on your tongue was better than you could remember.

“Just like I said, _fucking irresistible_ ,” he mused, pulling you up to him and then kissing you senseless. 

“We didn’t even make it into the bedroom,” you chuckled, raking your fingers through his scruff.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m going to fix that,” he said. His hands wrapping around your hips and tossing you over his shoulder. He gave your ass a slap, but the fabric of your jeans kept you from feeling the sting.

“Such a tease,” you laughed from where you hung upside down, enjoying the view of his bare ass.

“Sweetheart, by morning the last thing you’re going to be able to call me is a tease,” Sebastian promised, laying you the bed and quickly shedding your remaining clothes. The smile on his face was so beautiful and light, that you couldn’t help but pull him down to you, just so you could kiss it.

He eagerly accepted and as the kisses grew hotter, your leg hooked around him; urging him even closer, in hopes of eliminating every remaining inch of space between you. His cock rubbed along your thigh and desire pooled in your belly, eager to feel him inside you.

“You ready, sweetheart?” he asked between tantalizing strokes of his tongue. 

“Always.”

Beyond all else, you wanted him to claim you. For him to belong to you as much you already belonged to him.

Sebastian gave you one last kiss, this one gentle and slow; it was as if he was trying to savour it. His intense blue eyes drank in every drop of you; trying memorize the lines of your face. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he whispered. “I never thought I’d get a second chance with you.”

It was clear to you that tonight was about more than just your physical connection with Sebastian. Despite all the promises of teasing and orgasms, everything about tonight was real and significant. He was trying to heal wounds from past mistakes and so were you. You raked your hands through his soft hair, the strands sliding through your fingers like silk. He whimpered at the innocent touch and you brought your lips to his ear. 

“I love you too, Sebastian.”

You clutched him close locking your lips on his and giving a desperate roll of your hips. The weight of his body familiar and comfortable while simultaneously triggering every possessive instinct. You were ready for him to take you and make you his.

A low growl of approval rumbled from his throat, his hand already making its way back to your swollen pussy, the pressure firm but the pace slow.

“Just like that,” you encouraged, grinding against his fingers. Your chest pressing against him as your back arched off the bed.

Sebastian was worshipping your body, building you up until you couldn’t take anymore. Between his handiwork between your thighs and the hot, teasing sucks against your neck, you were about to combust.

“I love the way you moan for me,” he purred in your ear. “I’m going to make you feel so good, baby. Give you all the pleasure you deserve.”

“Sebastian, please,” you shamelessly begged. “I don’t care how you do it, just _fuck me_.” 

He shifted himself, his thick cock pressing against your heat. With a gentle thrust of his hips he was inside you. Sebastian moved slowly, almost cautious; a stark contrast to the last time he’d taken you. This was nothing like at the charity benefit, nothing about tonight was quick and dirty. Growing impatient, you urged him deeper, finally able to release the breath you’d been holding when he filled you.

“I don’t ever want to forget this,” he breathed, a warm exhale tickling your face, all sense of teasing gone.

You marveled at his ability to form a coherent sentence. “I’m not going anywhere,” you promised, your mind currently fixated on just how badly you wanted him to move, to fuck you.

You watched his eyes spark, your words sinking in. He focused on you so intently, searching for any lingering doubt. 

Instead of trying to string together any more words, you clenched tightly around him. Sebastian’s jaw clenched and his eyes blazed. Having received your message loud and clear, he rocked his hips in the most torturous way. 

“More,” you pleaded, your voice husky from just how badly you wanted to come.

He indulged you, spurred on by every throaty moan leaving you with each thrust of his cock.

The sparkle of sweat lingered on his brow as he moved against you. He’d had you many times before and now you both knew he’d have you again, but the intimacy between you in the moment was unprecedented. Both of you were scarred from the events of the past, but it was clear that this was meant to be.

You teetered on the edge, your breath catching when he roughly palmed your breast, pulling your sensitive nipple until you came. Taking him in one last heated kiss, moans mingled as he buried himself deep.

The sound of your name as he filled you was almost too much, your heart bursting with affection for Sebastian. You shuddered against him, the overwhelming sensation sent another ripple of pleasure running through you.

He rolled onto his back, pulling you flush against him like a rag doll. You melted into him, feeling so completely safe in his arms. The quick beat of his heart in time with your own, your fingers lacing themselves in the thatch of hair on his chest; his trailing up your spine.

“No need to worry, I don’t think either of us will forget tonight,” you mused.

“Night’s not over, sweetheart,” he whispered against your forehead. “You said _both_ , remember?”

A strangled moan left you, your body already aching for him again. You’d truly never be able to get enough of him.

“I’ve got lots of time to make up for.”

***

“Wake up, Sleepyhead.” Sebastian singsonged quietly against your wild muss of morning hair. 

“Tired. Too much sex,” you protested, eyes still cinched closed, but the scent of your favourite dark roast called to you. 

“Your phone has been buzzing non-stop and I brought you some caffeine.”

Peeking one eye open you took in Seb’s warm smile and bright blue eyes. He’d spent the better part of the night with his head between your legs, eating you out until you could barely see straight before he took you again, rough and deep. The fact that he now held a steaming mug of french press was just the cherry on top to a perfect date.

“I’m sure it’s just my nosy best friend, wondering how last night went.”

Sebastian nodded, acknowledging the likelihood but not offering a comment. He knew he still had work to do to win back your friend’s trust. 

“Maybe I’ll tell her how many orgasms you gave me,” you teased, trying to ease his nerves. His eyes went wide, almost spitting out his mouthful of coffee. “Or maybe I’ll just tell her that I have a boyfriend again?” You ventured, carefully watching his expression for any more apprehension. 

A wide, sincere smile graced his beautiful face at your words, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you answered pulling him to you, sealing your offer with a kiss.

“As your newly reinstated boyfriend, would this mean that I’d be able to take you somewhere?” .

“Like for breakfast?” You asked back, your stomach suddenly very intrigued at the idea.

“A little farther than breakfast, love.”

“Brooklyn?” You attempted another guess, unsure where exactly he was going with this. 

A soft chuckle escaped as he took your mouth in another kiss, clearly amused by your obliviousness. His talented tongue left you feeling lightheaded and wanting more, so when he spoke again you were sufficiently spellbound.

“I’m thinking somewhere you might need your passport. It my memory serves me correctly, I owe you a trip to Greece. But we can go wherever you want.”

Disbelieving, you replied, “You don’t have to do that, babe.”

“I want to,” he answered firmly. “I’m doing what I should’ve done months ago. I want to create new, happy memories for us.”

A tear slipped down your cheek and your heart warmed at the prospect.

Sebastian’s palms cupped your cheeks, carefully wiping it away. “I meant what I said. You’re incredibly special and I promise never to forget it again. Because sweetheart, this thing between us, it’s the best thing I’ve ever had.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your love and support on this story! It truly wouldn't have happened without you.


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